Check out these helpful fucking icons! What will they fucking do?
We expect you to click on them in order to find out, for some fucking reason. Because you know - words are so pre-mobile or some bullshit. Basically, it was time to redo the fucking website. So... icons.
EFW was established almost 6 months ago, so you know no one cares what's on this fucking page. This whole paragraph was just lorem ipsum for weeks until one of the investors noticed. We've already been through three CEO's and changed our business model twice, so the notion that there is anyone here who can actually summarize our company's fucking offering is pretty ludicrous. Still - the agency said we needed to have an about page, so here you fucking go - half a paragraph we copied out of someone else's business plan:
The company's marketing strategy rests on the belief that its products and services represent a value-added approach to interpreting, qualifying, and understanding the complexities of the computer industry and technology markets. To implement this strategy, the company intends to place paid advertising banners on strategic websites in the computer fields and to utilize search engine portal and general media advertising.
Whaddya think? Pretty fucking believable, right? Also - check out those blurry-ass business people back there. They are clearly also doing business. So you know we mean fucking business.
With My Fucking Website, you no longer have to think. That's why we're here. Our multi dimensional offering will solve each and every one of your greatest life problems seamlessly. It'll probably be lossless too.
The reason you're reading this is, some bunch of dick senior VP's thought 3 sections looked a little light in the comps. So we threw in a slate where we would "flush out the offering". They ate that shit up at the meeting, but it turns out what that actually means is "adding another bullshit 2 or 3 sentence paragraph that get passed around until it has become totally devoid of meaning and leaving it to die in a shit-ton of whitespace so it looks 'strong'."
*By clicking the button below, you are agreeing to all of our terms of service, our eula, our privacy policy, and all kinds of other shit. You're all ours now. We own your fucking DNA. We have fucking prima nocte rights on your spouse. Your kids are going to work in our sneaker factory. Generations hence, your forebears will curse your name and the day you clicked this button of ill omen, sentencing all those near you to human bondage and torment for the rest of time. Plus you get a fun panda sticker!